I cry during almost every movie I see. I just watched the secret garden and of course cried. It takes me back, back to remembering when I was little and my great grandmother nene would babysit me. I was around six and loved that movie. It inspired me to explore the unknown. My great grandfather and her owned a sign shop with some land at the edge of town. Behind the sign shop was this marvelous field with a barn behind it. I used to go in the barn and be amazed at the suns beams leaking through the cracked roof, and can still imagine the smell of the dust and rotting wet wood inside of it. In the field I would pick flowers and had a little shovel where I would dig for treasures, I mostly found pieces of old signs, that I saw as my gold, diamonds, lost maps to sercret... ha gradens and hidden places. I used to collect them and keep them in a cabinet in my nene's kitchen.

My grandparents would pick me up later in the day and take me home. At the time my family lived with them in at their house in the woods by beaver lake. There were hiking trails in the backyard that led to beautiful spots. My grandfather would tell me that only he and I knew about them. My favorite was one that lead to a little open field surrounded by trees full of daisies, dandelions, and other wild flowers. One of the trails also led to a big rock, probably three stories high that I would climb on top of. I used to love it up there. I would find flowers, moss, cactus's, and snake skin on top of the rock. I would also always take toys up there with me and hide them, so when I came back I would find the lost treasures that only I knew about. Some times when no one was watching me I would sneak out the back door and go on the trails alone. This would always leave my grandma in a frantic... and soon she put a chain lock at the top of the door that I couldn't reach.

I was a very independent child, and still kinda am. I do miss the magic. I feel somewhat that it is still there. Traveling, exploring, and walking on ancient land, seeking what is there but yet still unknown to me, that is what gives me that magical feeling I once possessed as a little girl. I just don't want to grow up being a slave to routine, or worse bitter.

Nothing makes me want to pull my hair out more then people trying to take it away from me and others. Stripping daydreams away because reality is so harsh and they want to shove it in everyones face. Their little psychotic ways of making you feel sorry for them because they only taught themselves to see the from the worst angles, and want you too...to. I love my parents for believing in me and backing me up with every crazy decision and every crazy thought that lingers throughout my head. No one is perfect, and no one should ever believe that it exits, but happiness does, no matter what past you come from. Life is seriously what you make it... don't sit around and be pissed off at the world or feel sorry for yourself, voluenteer for places, get a fucking hobby. The magic is still there. One life right?



love erica

don't i look freaking demonic?

It seems everywhere I go in the lou... I get free stuff. Everyone here is so awesome. Not that people in arkansas aren't awesome too, but the people I've been meeting here seem to possess a different kind of easiness about them. Then again, maybe... well maybe, I have a different glow not living in arkansas.

I made friends with a boy ray who works at a theater. Therefore every movie playing I can see when I want free... and the theater is only two miles from where I'm staying, so no getting lost! Tonight I went and saw black snake moan which was by far the best movie I've seen all year. Christina Ricci <3, Samuel L Jackson <3, Justin Timberlake <3. Bravo... I can't say anything else about it, but the fact that you have to go see it.

The other night I went to a local bar with renee. We sipped on one beer before a guy comes up to us and starts pulling his corny bar lines. After a while of him not going away he kinda of grew on us and his friends came over. Before our first beer was gone there were two more in front of us. The boys worked at the bar and ended up being awesome. We had a few hard shots and probably 1000000000000 beers, free. We ended up going to there house to a after party and chilled with them like long time friends. They never tried any moves, and truthfully all of them were like little country boys, and I found comfort in hanging out with them. So now anytime we please to go to that bar... all the drinks are on the house.

My favorite place in the city is the loop. It is by far the quaintest place I've been too. It's a street in University city with awesome cafes, thai restruants <3, a pin up bowling alley (open until 3am) <3, vintage stores galore, a thrift shop, and a bad ass bubble tea spot. There is this place called the pageant where bands play that has the decemberists coming in apirl... which I have to seee!

It's a friday and I'm not drunk. I'm going to go paint.

Amanda and I: most awesome people you'll ever meet.


One thing I rarley do: dishes.









I cant walk in heels. I tumbled down some stairs in some the night before...

doors.

I'm in a quiet room with lots of loud whispering. What they are whispering about I probably will never know. I'm sitting in a metal chair and find it uncomfortable. In front of me are a wooden desk and a piece of paper. The paper only has a single line on it with the words signature here. I sign my name, and see an older man with salt and pepper hair walk up to me. He is in a business suit without a tie, and it looks like he's been wearing it for a couple of days. He takes my paper from me and smiles. I start staring at the wooden desk and notice that there are peoples faces in the wood. I think it might be nature's way of taking photographs of the people that walked before the tree when it was alive. I also wonder if the people in the wood are the souls of the tree. Maybe they are reincarnations of people that became the tree after death, and their pictures remain in remembrance. If they were people and they were reincarnated, I wonder what they are now. Maybe a cat or a hippopotamus or maybe a blade of grass or an young star. I wish I were in a forest right now. I wouldn't want to be in one alone at night though.

A lady wearing a pretty green dress with her peach colored hair up in a bun just called my name. I'm not sure I want to follow her. I should be nervous but I am not. Maybe I'm so nervous I forgot how to be nervous. I get out of my chair and follow her down a long lonely hallway with several doors on each side. All the doors are painted red. I want to know where these doors lead too, and why they are painted red, but I don't ask. I also wonder what the lady's name is, and why she has only three fingers, I still don't ask. The hallway is starting to end and I can't see where the other end of the hallway starts. She looks at me and asks me to pick a door and go in it. In front of me are three doors, but these are painted black. I look at her eyes which aren't giving me answers to my unasked questions.

I walk up closer to the three black doors and watch the lady walk back down the hallway, leaving me to make my decision. I go to the first one and knock on it, same with the second and third. I still don't know which one to pick, so I put my ear on the first door then the second and third. I now know which door I'm going to pick.

I walk back down the hallway and don't see the lady anymore. I count to fourteen because I like that number and choose a red door.



the end.

in town for a couple of days...




This is what I found on the floor of my car...
naughty mag, cup from my first bar in the lou, cuffs, empty wallet... and crayon box?

must of been a fun night..

And Last night I spent forever assembling a canvas with 1000000000 screws and shitty directions...
and i made this... which is not completed...

having internet is a fun drunk dail... damn porn... you gave me a virus last time... WITH PROTECTION!... STD of da net... no more!

i'm going to bed. <3

I recieved the Kodak Easyshare disk from the most awesome mmmrorschach, who I can't thank enough! I can finally start photoshoping pictures I've taken.

Lacking internet at home isn't fun. My parents put their house for sale, and refuse to get internet until they are moved into the house they are building. I do enjoy living with my parents again, even though I feel like a loser. I lived on my own for over a year and realized living with the parentals = better grades + groceries + extra cash + cable + no heavy partyin' + my babies Moa and Oscar who couldn't live with me in the apartment.

So I started school. Wootahoot. Not only has school started up again, but I've also started a second job. Amanda and I (hopefully) will be backpacking in Euorpe toward the end of May, and I need teh paychecks.

tom chambers.

Does anyone have a extra kodak easyshare software cd... that you don't need anymore... or that i can give back?

I had to clean out my computer and when I went to re-install the disk, I broke it.

There was this girl who lived on a little bitty island in the big Pacific ocean. She went to the beach every night to listen to the waves whisper and to stare at the stars, as her body sank into the sand. To her, the sky was the greatest biggest ocean in the universe and the stars where millions of jellyfish faeries. She also giggled and cried as she watched the clouds make shapes and tell her their stories. When she stared at that greatest biggest ocean, she would dream often of greater bigger places beyond her little bitty island.

One night she brought some papers and a pen with her to the beach. The clouds where very beautiful and creative this particular night, telling her stories of big castles, giant monstrous creatures, princes, and lost cities. Some shapes where unfamilar to her, so she wanted to draw them so that maybe one day when she grew up, she might be able to understand them.

When the girl became a teen she met a teen boy with a scar under his eye. She would take him to the beach so they could look at the greatest biggest ocean in the sky together, and she showed him the jellyfish faeries that he had never seen before, until he came to the island. They would sit together and watch the clouds tell their stories, and the teen boy would tell her about the place he lived where there were tall skinny castles with pointy and flat tops with lots and lots of windows. The clouds knew what the teen boy was taking about (because they have pasted through his big city before) and they would take shapes of the big castles to help him show her what the castles looked like where he lived. They went to the beach everynight and learned to kiss and make love, but the teen boy eventually had to go back to the city with the tall skinny castles with pointy and flat tops with lots and lots of windows, that had no jellyfish fairies in the greatest biggest ocean in the sky. Before he left he licked her tears away and promised her she would see him again.

When the teen girl became a woman she went to the beach one more time, before taking a boat to the city where the teen boy with the scar under his eye lived, who was now a man. When she looked up at the clouds she saw the teen boys face, as she remembered it, when she was a teen girl. She traveled by morning, which became night, and she sat on the deck and watched as the jellyfish faeries slowly disappeared. When she arrivied, it was during the mid night.

When the woman stepped off the boat she realized how cold she was and bought a jacket. She was really excited and gazed up at all the skinny castles with pointy and flat tops with lots and lots of bright windows, but she became very tired and found a hotel to sleep at. When she woke up she got dressed and went outside. The smell of the city made her stomach hurt, and the noise of the city made her head hurt.

The woman stayed there for thirty years and lived in a little a apartment, with little windows, and she had a job working for a little book store where she would read and read. She met many suitors, in which she never fell in love with. She never looked up at the sky anymore or watched the clouds perform. Every three months she would hang up posters asking if anyone knew who or where the teen boy, with the scar under his eye was, that was now a man, that met her on the little bity island where she once lived. The teen boy with the scar under his eye, who was now a man, never repsonded.

The woman soon became an old lady and found crumbled the papers she had drawn of the clouds when she was a girl. She looked at the drawings and now knew what they were. They were cars, subways, those ridiculous uncomfortable shoes women wore, and big corporate logos. The old lady decided it was time to go back to the little bitty island. She took a boat back to the little bity island. She watched as the jellyfish faeries started to slowly reappear, and she watched the clouds pass by that she forgot were so animated.

So...

There was this old lady who lived on a little bitty island in the big Pacific ocean who went to the the beach every night to listen to the waves whisper and to stare at the stars, as her body sank into the sand. To her, the sky was the greatest biggest ocean in the universe and the stars where millions of jellyfish faeries. She also giggled and cried as she watched the clouds make shapes and tell her their stories. When she stared at that greatest biggest ocean she would dream often of the teen boy with the scar under his eye, who was now an old man.

Last night...
I went to this... with special k...
http://bleedingkansasfestival.com/music.asp

Well, to start the story off... my grandfather(aka nono), on my fathers side, died a couple of years ago. (save the tears). He pretty much built the house my father grew up in by hand, and he also died in it as well. Soon after my Nono's death my grandmother wanted to live closer to town and sold the house.

The people who bought the house just recently packed up and moved out before putting it on sale. Their story is this...

Apperently my grandfather haunts the house. They told the real estate agent (who knows my grandmother)that they always heard doors slam, their stuff was always moved, hear voices, and they would come home to water running... they said they neverminded it until this... about two weeks ago they saw a man in a wife beater and underwear (pretty much the only thing my grandfather ever wore) open the door yell to some lady named Lorine (my grandmothers name) and then slammed the door shut. When the father of the house shot up to see who the hell was in their house... he watched my grandfather walk down the hallway and sit in the recliner in the living room, he claimed he was also chewing on something (I'm guessing tobacco, since my nono always chewed it). That was the final straw, because the father rounded his family up and got the hell outta there...

HAHAHA silly grandpa!!

After my dad told me this story my friend sarah called me, and asked if I would go with her to KC saturday to see psychic sylvia brown, because her boyfriend won't be able to make it due to work...
and yes I'm going.

so strange.

I've been on a natural kick lately, thanks to a $2 thrifting book I bought in Jonesboro... New Choices in Natural healing, ba bing.

Well, I think I have chosen a new direction in life, that I've found myself immensely interested in, which is Naturopathic medicine . For those who didn't bother reading the wikipediaYAda lnk, it's alternative medicine practice that covers acupressure, aromatherapy, ayurveda (india practice), flower remedy/essence therapy,imagery, reflexology, yoga, and food/sound/herbal/juice/vitamin/massage therapies.

I'm super excited to excel in these practices. I'm planning on scoring a bachelors in science and somehow take massage therapy classes inbetween. >da idea< There is nothing more satisfying then finding a subject you are actually excited about gobbling up. Dis baby is ready to be educated!

I'm supa fired up. I discovered Kalieghs sister has a lil' kiln at her house. I've been having this tingling urge to make lamps lately, so tomorrow, I'm going to get a couple of blocks of clay, then pick up some new clay tools... yay for lamps.

In other news, I am the laziest most unorganized supreme procrastinator around. As much as I enjoy the lack of work I have to do at my job, I'm getting quite sick of the hours. I have swiming thoughts in my head, I'd have more time accomplishing things if I had a day time job. I've ranted before about this... and have I done anything...? no. Because again, I'm lazy, and I let them drown. My social interaction is nightlife... so by time I get up and out of bed in the afternoon, I'm stuck going straight to work.

and something I've been meaning to do for a long while now....
I'm wondering if anyone would want to help me take pictures in a salvage yard. It would be at night... and fence jumping would be happening. I'll be doing it tomorrow or Tuesday.

There is one brand of makeup I've been dying to remember. I bought it at the Louvre about 6 years ago when I went to Europe. I've been racking my brain for years trying to remember the brand.

And guess what!! I found out what it's called today... thanks to the awesome Sarah!

Bourjouis!

http://www.bourjois.com/

WHOOhoo I'm freaking excited. What a happy day.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
http://www.trojanwire.com/football/college-football-at-arkansas.php